iddle troll girl

So this happened in my brain. Wood's not mine, but he still gets pretty vocal in my head every now and then. Kind of like Trick's wishful thinking or something? XD; Oh well, you KNOW you have imaginary conversations like that with real people so meh.

( sappy of DOOM )

Curtis does not like gurls! At least not when they're all up on what's his

Bet: eeeeeee Aaron is on Teeveeee<3
Bet: *glomps him*
Marie: eeeeee!!!!
Marie: *also*
Marie: Is he singing?
Bet: lol well yeah
Bet: oh yeah they do interviews sometimes
Bet: duh
Bet: XD
Marie: could've been an interview, idk XD <3
Bet: derp derp
Marie: hee <3<3<3
Marie: is it our favorite?
Bet: no :(
Bet: he's singing with a guuuurl. Curtis is scowling
Marie: awwww sad *cuddles Curtis*
Bet: He scowls and scowls (but secretly likes cuddles)

Random crap that popped into my head when I was looking at pictures (instead of sleeping) and this probably should have been shorter but I have a tendency to over-explain stuff and... it's totally AU and totally random and from the POV of a character who's not even mine and I DON'T CARE (because I could have been sleeping instead).

( I have no shame. Not anymore. )

So, back on "cliques". Most games have clusters of groups and you know what? THAT'S OKAY. I've lost interest in the whole struggle of trying to force out scenes with people. I know that yes, It CAN lead to awesomeness, but for the most part it's just that. A forced scene. Lately I've found it really hard to think of things to write unless it's my favorite characters against their favorite characters. I could blame school for stressing me out, lack of time and all that jazz, but for the most part it's roleplay ennui.

The thing is, I like the people I'm in a game with but there's still that spark you have with only a handful of players. When uninspired, tired, stretched thin - those people always get you into the mood, fill you with awesome thoughts and coax your muses out. People who don't do that for me aren't bad players or boring people, they're just not my people. That should be okay, they have their own people too.

Some people love being in games with 100+ people, talking to at least half of them, juggling 20 scenes a day and being all over the place. Sometimes when I'm going through a rare hyper-phase, I'm like that too. But more and more I'm becoming an introvert online as much as I am offline. I don't want 20 scenes a day. I can barely handle four. Sometimes I can't even focus on more than one scene at a time because it is so all consuming and that character completely eats my brain.

We keep doing the whole "We should scene something" thing at each other. I don't want to do that anymore. It should be: "I want to scene something"; it should be "I want to scene this, is your character available?"

So this is a big part of why I've sucked so bad lately. It's not the people in the games I'm in. I still love reading your logs, I enjoy most of the characters, I'm interested in seeing where some of those storylines are going. I just don't feel like writing with everyone all the time.

So this is where some people will ask, "Why bother being in a community if you're not going to write with a lot of people?" Well, for me, being in a community is about more than just "Play with ALL the people!" It's also just sharing stories and characters, having a sense of a bigger world around your stories. Seeing how sometimes your actions influence another character because they share a space and have mutual friends or enemies. I always liked stories where a bunch of strangers are somehow connected or all heading to the same location for some mysterious reason.

So as of now, I'm just going to stop stressing myself about it. I really have lately too, citing school as taking up a lot of my time but honestly, it's not just school. I'm just tired and I find it hard to focus. I'm getting slower with tagging scenes and I don't know if it's my depression (yay seasonal affective disorder), stress (yay school), age (yay.. wait, I'm not THAT old o_O) or if it's just that I've been roleplaying for years and years.

You all put up these posts where you plan the week/day's scenes. I've stopped doing that, as you may have noticed. I've stopped commenting unless I have concrete ideas or I really want something. This is why. I'm still available, I still adore you and I'm not going anywhere, just don't expect me to jump into a lot of scenes that don't have a good reason for taking place.

( I am a meme FIEND and I'm losing track... )

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who remembers that GJ had its share of bullshit; "flakers" and "shady bitches" and communities that didn't last were a dime a dozen over there. Yet I keep seeing people vent about how they miss the good old days on GJ and how all this shitty behavior only started on IJ.

It kind of reminds me of old people bitching about "teenagers today" or something,

So, I've had a lot of trouble with my writing lately and luckily, my mojo is returning! But, it's not all there and I'm running into a wall with some of my characters.

I'd like input on this, I don't want to fuck anyone over by removing characters that are vital to their story lines and I'll accommodate you somehow if it comes to that.

( This is kind of like that game - fuck, kill or marry? )

Winter is coming *dramatic Game of Thrones quote? This does not bode well*.

I'm finding it really hard to connect with my characters and muster enthusiasm for anything. This is why I'm slow on tagging these days and I'm really sorry. Sometimes I open up a document and just stare at it, then go away and come back to it, stare at it some more and then close it. It's endlessly shitty. I have moments where I think about dropping everything but then I remind myself that this too will pass and the enthusiasm and fun will return.

I wish I could give you all an estimate here but for all I know the writing bug could return tomorrow, or it could return in December. This is a yearly event though, maybe I'll look back on some logs and see how long it took all those last times.

tl;dr: Sorry I'm slow. I'm drowning in apathy and my muses sleep even more than I do. Sorry for the inconvenience :(

Looking back at my insecurities from a short time ago and I'm over one of them.

Too much smut. Not really! The numbers are super surprising to me, I feel like I write way too much of it.
So, I was in a braindead mode and was updating the warnings on the log-pages and.. counted.

( OCD tendencies this way! )

( What was your very first ship? )( A pairing that needs to happen now? )

( What is your current favorite ship? )

Some of the cool kids are doing it? Snagged from Sara :)

( Questions )

Stolen from writinstone
"How does a given character react to a situation or, on the other hand, how would a situation arise? I kept the list to ten for those with slightly less insane character loads. And you know the drill. Fill out your list first."

( Mine )

I am so torn, you guys. Torn between letting it all hang out and reeling it all in.

I've been a little out of touch with everything lately, I don't know what's up but it's lasted longer than I'm comfortable with. Just this general feeling of disconnect and frustration.

I keep coming up with new characters, writing them all out and then not bringing them in because of this dead-weight feeling. I hate dead weight. But then I also hate having all these ideas and not doing anything with them.

Since this is a conundrum, I may just start bringing those people in and if they don't work, they don't work and I'll ditch them again. If this bothers you, speak now or forever hold your peace - or piece, if you're thus inclined, hur hur hur.

No seriously, if this will bother anyone, let me know and I shall rethink it again.

Currently on the roster: Too many white males, some of them prissy others way too laid back. I might write up a non-white non-male character but she's giving me a hard time so I can't promise anything. There's Tim and Austin for now, one already accepted, the other one nearly written up. Then there is the PB bug, gnawing on my cranium. Veronica is almost ready, I just need to figure one little thing out about her...

If you could pick only three of my characters for me to keep in Convergence, who would you pick and why?

I'm honestly just curious since I'm kind of waffling about my characters there. Consider this just a meme for now though.

Inspired by my porn star PB, yes, I wasn't joking about that.

Is there any PB you use or have used in the past that you feel kind of weird about using? If yes, then why and who? XD How about a character, anyone you feel weird about writing? SHARE YOUR SHAME WITH MEEE!

I'll go first.

#1 Yes, I'm about to use a porn star, I'm surprised at how many good icons I have of him already where he actually has a shirt on, clearly I still rule the image-hunt neck of our woods! But hey, he's an actor and actors are permissible. He fits the character and I promise I won't post many any dick-pics! :3 (Seriously. Twinklight. Seriously...)

#2 I felt a little weird about using Billy Kay. I had the character of Jeremy all written up and I needed the right face. Billy Kay in L.I.E. was perfect (and I searched through all of pb_updates before I found him, damn it!) but his character in that movie had some things in common with Jeremy. That always makes me feel a little ew, because it makes me feel like people (those pesky imaginary critics that lurk all over the place!) will judge me and think I'm stealing from the film. Looking at the character now, he has nothing in common with Kay's character in the movie, but he's... so young there...

#3 Hyde. I used him for a character called Chakai way in the past and... I feel so fangirlie, like I'm one of those "omg Hydieeee-chan KAWAIIIIII!" girls? *cringe*. His character was mary-sue of doom so I can't even hide behind the "he fit the character" either. But man, I liked him so much. *pets the pretty*. Okay so maybe there's a tiny little squealing fangirl hiding somewhere inside of me (tiny? have you seen me gush on and on and on about Tom Hardy lately? o//o;;;)

#4 Alexei PBed by Jaco Van Den Hoven. I shouldn't feel weird about using a model, but I do for some reason. He's changed a lot in a really short time (drugs, booze and lack of sleep? I'm just guessing from what I've seen them model boys joke about among themselves). He's all sharper and kind of harsher looking. I don't know what about that exactly bothers me but it does a bit. Not to mention that the character was inspired by a real and very tragic person from a documentary so... Shame on me. I just had this urge to save him and what better way of doing so than through a fictional person in rp? u_u; Yes, I realize my idea of saving someone may be warped when I've pretty much dumped him in the middle of the zombie apocalypse but... at least he's being taken care of and he's not strung out on drugs and he has friends! *twiddling thumbs*.

Marie and I thought of a meme.
Pick a random character of yours in one game and find another character of yours in another game, put them together and tell us what they'd get up to if they met in real life. Would they get along? Would they hang out at home and chat? Go out clubbing?

(We joked about Soren and Wood meeting and doing some sexy wrestling, MROW!)

If you don't want to choose yourself, use some dice! Like here or here.

Pick a character and come up with what they will be doing 20 years from now (now=game time). This is not an accuracy thing, just a whatever comes to mind! It has to fit the character of course but who's to say that your character, given the right opportunities, couldn't become a Hollywood actor or a televangelist (heh).

( Mine )

( As of September 2011, how many of your characters- )

stolen from Gail ♥
1. Which of your characters works best with their PB (i.e. you could see that actor/personage playing them in a movie)?
2. Which works worst (your character and their lookalike should not be in the same room)?
3. Which character was it pretty much impossible to find the right face for?
4. Which character fell right into place, or even was planned to fit a certain PB?

( My answers )